The Practical Philosopher's Blog

Using the practical application of timeless wisdom to address modern issues

Ice-Ball Earth will Ensue Shortly! Send Money to Save Us!

While reading an amusing article on how ‘Global Warming’ has shrunk from a problem to a punch line, I came across a startling factoid about Global Cooling! Hear me out, friends of the planet- this is earth-shattering news!

In the above mentioned article, a retired Navy meteorologist named Dr. Martin Hertzberg noted:

“The average temperature of Earth’s atmosphere has declined over the last 10 years. From the El Nino Year of 1998 until Jan. 2007, it dropped a quarter of a degree Celsius (0.45 degrees Fahrenheit). From Jan 2007 to the spring of 2008, it dropped a whopping three-quarters of a degree Celsius (1.35 degrees Fahrenheit).

Dr. Hertzberg is a self-professed life-long liberal Democrat, so we know he is no Big Oil stooge and can be trusted. The point I will stress here is that we have inarguably cooled 1 degree Celsius in only TEN YEARS. Could this be right?! 

Rattled, I went the NOAA site (they are a government entity and they are here to help) to see how much total WARMING we’ve had in the last 100+ years:

Global surface temperatures have increased about 0.74°C (plus or minus 0.18°C) since the late-19th century.

So, my fellow doomed citizens, in the last 100 years, the global climate has warmed all of a fraction (.74) of a degree Celsius and we are ready to destroy our economy and way of life to stop this catastrophic problem. But now, we see that the SAME global climate has cooled an ENTIRE 1.0 degree Celsius in just TEN YEARS!! This is ten times faster than our recent catastrophic Global Warming trends!!

If I use the same science (its not junk-science you denier!) as Al Gore and the political warming-zealots, in the next ten years, we will have an accelerated cooling of -5 degrees Celsius! By 2100, earth will be in its THIRD ice-ball phase (totally ice covered including the equatorial zones) and totally uninhabitable! (Que soundtrack of shrieks and wailing).

We must act now! I call upon the President to convert all energy to coal-based sources, everyone must upgrade to a large truck or SUV, and we need a million green jobs created to set up burn barrels all across the country to try to keep people and the climate warmed!

I am personally setting up a business called the Climate Cooling Offset Corporation where irresponsible states like Alaska and the MidWest will be charged for their damaging cold temperature contributions to our national climate. For each hour you freeze your kiester off in one of the above hellish wastelands, a $10 dollar offset from my company will buy an hour of someone’s time in good states like Florida or Arizona to go out and bask in their properly warmed climates and maybe even tan themselves on your behalf.

Now please excuse me, I have to go out and begin educating and shaking down my Minnesota neighbors…all in the cause of saving the world, friends.


Filed under: Environment, , , , , , ,

7 Responses

  1. greatd says:

    LOL… Great post! I didn’t copy from you, honest. I didn’t read this blog post until you told me about it in a comment on my site.

    As with any religion, the global warming zealots will just continue to demand your faith in their belief system — and if you don’t go along with it, you will be labeled a “denier” or a “heretic.” They can also just say that the cooling is a temporary anomaly, or that global warming is in fact causing the cooling. None of the facts you point out will matter to them.

    If you haven’t seen it already, check out the great documentary “The Great Global Warming Swindle” on YouTube. It very clearly and logically explains why our climate changes from time to time, and it has absolutely NOTHING to do with human activity.

    • Philosopher says:

      Thanks, I have seen that several times. It’s amazing what an uproar a little sanity and science-based commentary (vs. political/activist/financial-based) has raised in the climate debate.

      I came across something similar recently, but not sure if it is real yet. Once I do, I am thinking of promoting it on my blog. Check this out:

  2. Super-Duper site! I am loving it!! Will come back again – taking your feeds too now, Thanks.

    I’m Out! :)

  3. Philosopher says:

    Thanks for your comments, OSTA. I hope to keep blogging toward the truth for some time to come.

  4. casserole says:

    it was very interesting to read.

  5. Craig Dillon says:

    Funny post. Total fiction, but funny. The average temperatures have RISEN in the past ten years. If temperatures had gone down, the Arctic would not keep on melting. BTW, you SEE how much the Arctic is melting by going to the Cryosphere Today site and seeing the satellite images yourself. Don’t believe the science, but do believe your eyes.
    Unfortunately, it is deniers like this who will prevent any reasonable action (not Kyoto) to slow this down. Enjoy Florida while its there.

    • Philosopher says:

      Craig, Glad you enjoyed the post- but it is about poking fun at how the recent COOLING in temperatures has provoked none of the same hysteria as the minor warming (before the cooling and warming previously in the 20th century) we’ve had.

      My research (as a environmental science major) as led me to trust that (the cosmic ray driven) cloud cover is the biggest driver of climate globally and the current cooling effect of La Nina is the biggest climate driver locally that are causing an overall cooling effect.

      But don’t believe me. Even Phil Jone and Kevin Trenberth agree:

      “Even Phil Jones, the CRU director at the centre of last year’s ‘Climategate’ leaked email scandal, was forced to admit in a little noticed BBC online interview that there has been ‘no statistically significant warming’ since 1995.”

      “Kevin Trenberth, head of climate analysis at the US government’s National Centre for Atmospheric Research and the IPCC’s lead author on climate change science commented:

      ‘The fact is that we can’t account for the lack of warming at the moment, and it is a travesty that we can’t.’ ”

      As for arctic sea ice, the biggest issue there tends to be a focus on extremely short time periods that aren’t significant. As far as I can see, the ice pack hasn’t really changed at all:

      If anything, we are in more danger NOW if we see a cooling trend as this has a distinct negative effect on humans, our food sources, etc., instead of the historical benefits that occur during warm periods. I hope I’m wrong…

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